Day 2
our journey across America
our journey across America
As I sit here in my dad’s truck, riding along going 60 down I-80 I started to think. Before we left my dad and I were talking and he mentioned how it wasn’t easy to figure out how we were going to pack up my stuff and just leave. I told him try moving 1300 miles away from your family and friends, when I said that I got a little choked up. I am moving 1300 miles away from everyone I know, and from an area that I’ve grown up all my life in. And my dad was right it was not easy. I went and grabbed a few more things to load into the truck, and when I got back he told me that in the bible God told Abraham to leave his family and move away, God didn’t tell him where he was going. God simply told him to leave, so Abraham did. Abraham packed up all his things, told his wife and they left. Abraham had to have such a huge faith in God to just leave, he had to be so involved in doing what God wanted him to do to leave everyone he knew and the area he knew. My dad then said at least we know where we’re going, that was very true.
God placed on my heart a year ago after dealing with struggles and coming out closer to God to help those who have the same struggles. To help teens figure out whom they are in Christ, and to help them deal with past or currant problems. I didn’t think I was worth anything because I saw my life going nowhere, I was entering my senior year of high school thinking I was going to work in a factory, lead a boring terrible life, and never have what my heart desires for. I was blaming God for everything I was going through, expecting my life to be easy. I didn’t want to blame myself for what I was watching, or listening to. I still thought I saw myself as a good person because I prayed and asked Jesus into my heart. I finally realized after reaching what I call my rock bottom that I was using Jesus Christ and what He did for me as a fire insurance policy, my one way ticket out of hell. I would do something I knew in my heart was wrong, ask for forgiveness, then keep on living my life. Now don’t read that and think wow he is messed up. No, what I’m saying is I would ask forgiveness for that sin but commit it again the next day or even in the same day. I had issues with conforming to the people around me, what they were saying or the jokes they would say. I know we all struggle with crude jokes, we laugh and think its funny, but later we know it was wrong. I thought I was pretty low, I felt like a hypocrite going to church every Sunday and Wednesday, but acting like the world every other day of the week. I thought God was making my life miserable. I blamed God for everything that I was going through. I didn’t think I would ever amount to anything in this life so why live it. I had thoughts of suicide but could never actually harm myself. I thought about joining any branch of military just so I could get shot and die, I thought no one would miss me. That was the best way I could think of to do. Then at least I would die as a hero fighting for my country instead of just another suicide statistic. No one would know my actual intentions.
Through all I was going through emotionally and physically God kept telling me He was there. He kept giving me a nudge every now and then. That’s what I couldn’t figure out at first. Why would a God that I blamed everything on, and told if He just placed me on this earth to be miserable and that I could do that just fine myself keep coming at me? Why would a perfect God keep coming after an imperfect me?
A phrase that continued to echo through my mind and a picture was Jesus standing in front of me, with His arms stretched out saying, “do you trust me.” As Christians we look at that and go yeah we trust Him, isn’t that what being a Christ follower is about? Here I was saying I was a Christian but I couldn’t say I could trust Him. I couldn’t understand why God would be asking me if I could trust Him when I was blaming Him for everything. I like to put it this way, we breathe in air but we can’t see it. We trust the air is there even when we can only see the effects of it. That’s how I like to view God, but look at it from where I was. I couldn’t see God but somehow I could see the effects of Him through others live. I saw people changing, and becoming closer to God. Why couldn’t I do the same? It’s because I didn’t trust Him, it takes faith to trust in God and what He is doing, and it takes a trust in God to have faith. It’s like a pattern that just keeps going. If you don’t have the faith, then you won’t have the trust. If you don’t have a trust in the faith God calls us to have, then you won’t have faith in him to trust what He is doing. After I had pondered that I realized what I was doing. I was living a no fault religion, everything I was doing I didn’t want to take blame for it.
Now I’m not saying we all have to reach that point where we have to change our thinking and mindset so much that we feel like we’ll never measure up. Because of all that I did before I got to the point of actual surrender, it would be a lie to say that it didn’t leave a big scar. But through Jesus Christ and what He did on the cross for me, He took that scar and the punishment for that scar. So I wouldn’t have to live in bondage.
End of day 3 of travels
Finally here….
As I sit here tonight getting ready for bed I can’t help but think back to what had happened just hours ago. We finally made it into Colorado Springs; we were all tired from being on the road since 9:30 a.m. central time. (8:30 a.m. Mountain time) Stress levels were high, emotions were running high, and we just wanted to sleep. As we dropped the tow dolly off at the U-Haul rental place my car was already hot from being towed through 100 degree heat almost all day, combined with being behind my dad’s truck getting the exhaust heat as well. As we were weaving our way through the hills to get to the house that I’m staying at I almost forgot about the heat. We drove through the neighborhood but could not find the right house number. I parked my car leaving it running and walked back to my moms car to talk to her. After maybe 5 minutes I look over and see smoke pouring from under my hood, and a wet puddle slowly making its way down the street. I race over and the first thing I did was shut my engine off, that’s all I knew to do! I jumped out of my car and picked up the hood as fast as I could, I didn’t care that everything around the smoke was extremely hot. I could see boiling liquid and steam coming out of my coolant container as my dad ran up from where the truck was parked to see what was going on. I didn’t know what to think, I wanted to yell, scream, cry, kick anything including my car, and go off on a complete rage. As my dad looked over my car, thoughts of hopelessness and doubt flooded through my mind, we had gone all this way and now something went what seemed to be terribly wrong. It’s a blessing kept running through my mind, from the very beginning I referred to my car as a blessing from God. I knew immediately that I needed to pray instead of drowning my thoughts with doubt. I believe strongly in the power of prayer and what it can do if you have the faith to believe that God will answer. I could hear my dad praying, and knew I should too. I walked around my car and placed my hands on my car and prayed.
God placed on my heart a year ago after dealing with struggles and coming out closer to God to help those who have the same struggles. To help teens figure out whom they are in Christ, and to help them deal with past or currant problems. I didn’t think I was worth anything because I saw my life going nowhere, I was entering my senior year of high school thinking I was going to work in a factory, lead a boring terrible life, and never have what my heart desires for. I was blaming God for everything I was going through, expecting my life to be easy. I didn’t want to blame myself for what I was watching, or listening to. I still thought I saw myself as a good person because I prayed and asked Jesus into my heart. I finally realized after reaching what I call my rock bottom that I was using Jesus Christ and what He did for me as a fire insurance policy, my one way ticket out of hell. I would do something I knew in my heart was wrong, ask for forgiveness, then keep on living my life. Now don’t read that and think wow he is messed up. No, what I’m saying is I would ask forgiveness for that sin but commit it again the next day or even in the same day. I had issues with conforming to the people around me, what they were saying or the jokes they would say. I know we all struggle with crude jokes, we laugh and think its funny, but later we know it was wrong. I thought I was pretty low, I felt like a hypocrite going to church every Sunday and Wednesday, but acting like the world every other day of the week. I thought God was making my life miserable. I blamed God for everything that I was going through. I didn’t think I would ever amount to anything in this life so why live it. I had thoughts of suicide but could never actually harm myself. I thought about joining any branch of military just so I could get shot and die, I thought no one would miss me. That was the best way I could think of to do. Then at least I would die as a hero fighting for my country instead of just another suicide statistic. No one would know my actual intentions.
Through all I was going through emotionally and physically God kept telling me He was there. He kept giving me a nudge every now and then. That’s what I couldn’t figure out at first. Why would a God that I blamed everything on, and told if He just placed me on this earth to be miserable and that I could do that just fine myself keep coming at me? Why would a perfect God keep coming after an imperfect me?
A phrase that continued to echo through my mind and a picture was Jesus standing in front of me, with His arms stretched out saying, “do you trust me.” As Christians we look at that and go yeah we trust Him, isn’t that what being a Christ follower is about? Here I was saying I was a Christian but I couldn’t say I could trust Him. I couldn’t understand why God would be asking me if I could trust Him when I was blaming Him for everything. I like to put it this way, we breathe in air but we can’t see it. We trust the air is there even when we can only see the effects of it. That’s how I like to view God, but look at it from where I was. I couldn’t see God but somehow I could see the effects of Him through others live. I saw people changing, and becoming closer to God. Why couldn’t I do the same? It’s because I didn’t trust Him, it takes faith to trust in God and what He is doing, and it takes a trust in God to have faith. It’s like a pattern that just keeps going. If you don’t have the faith, then you won’t have the trust. If you don’t have a trust in the faith God calls us to have, then you won’t have faith in him to trust what He is doing. After I had pondered that I realized what I was doing. I was living a no fault religion, everything I was doing I didn’t want to take blame for it.
Now I’m not saying we all have to reach that point where we have to change our thinking and mindset so much that we feel like we’ll never measure up. Because of all that I did before I got to the point of actual surrender, it would be a lie to say that it didn’t leave a big scar. But through Jesus Christ and what He did on the cross for me, He took that scar and the punishment for that scar. So I wouldn’t have to live in bondage.
End of day 3 of travels
Finally here….
As I sit here tonight getting ready for bed I can’t help but think back to what had happened just hours ago. We finally made it into Colorado Springs; we were all tired from being on the road since 9:30 a.m. central time. (8:30 a.m. Mountain time) Stress levels were high, emotions were running high, and we just wanted to sleep. As we dropped the tow dolly off at the U-Haul rental place my car was already hot from being towed through 100 degree heat almost all day, combined with being behind my dad’s truck getting the exhaust heat as well. As we were weaving our way through the hills to get to the house that I’m staying at I almost forgot about the heat. We drove through the neighborhood but could not find the right house number. I parked my car leaving it running and walked back to my moms car to talk to her. After maybe 5 minutes I look over and see smoke pouring from under my hood, and a wet puddle slowly making its way down the street. I race over and the first thing I did was shut my engine off, that’s all I knew to do! I jumped out of my car and picked up the hood as fast as I could, I didn’t care that everything around the smoke was extremely hot. I could see boiling liquid and steam coming out of my coolant container as my dad ran up from where the truck was parked to see what was going on. I didn’t know what to think, I wanted to yell, scream, cry, kick anything including my car, and go off on a complete rage. As my dad looked over my car, thoughts of hopelessness and doubt flooded through my mind, we had gone all this way and now something went what seemed to be terribly wrong. It’s a blessing kept running through my mind, from the very beginning I referred to my car as a blessing from God. I knew immediately that I needed to pray instead of drowning my thoughts with doubt. I believe strongly in the power of prayer and what it can do if you have the faith to believe that God will answer. I could hear my dad praying, and knew I should too. I walked around my car and placed my hands on my car and prayed.
As we become closer to God we realize how easy it is to come to God opened minded. We have a better understanding of who God really is. God is our healer, our provider, our deliverer, our father, our friend, and many other things as well. When all this was happening why was my first reaction fear and doubt? Why when I’m coming to Charis Bible College does something go wrong when we are this close? I 100% do not believe God made my car overheat, just so I could learn a lesson. Situations beyond our control due to the heat and some because of my lack of knowledge still with cars caused my car to overheat. God didn’t cause doubt, fear, and rage to come to my mind. It was the lack of sleep, stress, and heat that caused us all to become vulnerable to Satan’s attack to try to discourage us. The reason why my heart and mind went to that panic state was because I haven’t arrived in my walk with God, I am learning new and greater things every day. But that doesn’t mean my life is going to be easy all the time, Satan will always be prowling around like a roaring lion seeking whom he may devour. Through Gods help and through a better knowledge of God’s word those attacks will be easier. As this day closes I know I have a bright future here in Colorado. I know when my parents leave there may be a few tears shed but I know I’ll meet many new friends, all while knowing my friends now will never leave my side. I leave you with a question. Are you willing to trust God enough to move 1100 miles away from everything you know? Are you willing to get where you’re going to have your car overheat and keep your eyes and thoughts on God? Can you really trust someone you can’t see in the natural, possibly only through a glimpse of some one’s life in front of you? I know my answer because I’m living it, but that glimpse of God through some one’s life is no longer that, it’s more. Through everything that I learn I get closer to God, through every step out of a no fault religion I feel more conviction that brings about a better change. And through every trial I prevail comes countless blessings from my heavenly father. I want to know your answer, if it’s yes, keep moving forward. If it’s no, I want to help you get to the point where you can see God and know He is a good God. Thank you for reading this note, and if it’s changed your life then I want to hear about it and celebrate! May you be blessed, and have a fulfilled life.
Note By
Tyler Showers
August 31-September 1st 2011
Tyler Showers
August 31-September 1st 2011
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